Since the game focuses much more on social and sexual interaction than the Sims did you can read brief and largely pointless biographies to try to match a likely couple and make things easier. Once you fire up 'Singles' you are allowed to select the two jerks who will be rooming in the apartment together from a very short list of choices. Oh, and also torture the hell out of these unsuspecting virtual pieces of Eurotrash. To truly know the deadliness of the moral poison I had to experience it firsthand, so I installed it on my consecrated computer made from the bones of Saint Bartholomew and sat down to write this cautionary review. Initially my plan had been to buy up every copy that had snuck into the country and destroy it before it managed to corrupt some poor young child whose future would be better served by painting fences or being beaten insensate with a belt. Somehow, the Department of Homeland Security failed once again and allowed copies of 'Singles' to make their way to our fair and faithful shores unbidden.

This is why Europeans are godless heathens - as if you needed any more reasons. It is an ice encrusted lodge where the youth is presented with a motionless lineup of nude men and women and must stare at them for five minutes without blinking. In fact, in parts of Scandinavia the ninth birthday is celebrated by visiting the 'genitaal breng onder' or 'genital lodge'. Indeed, 'Singles' was made by degenerate freedom-hating Europeans who think things like polygonal flaccid dicks are peachy to show to their 9 year old children. The blank canvas on which I would paint.'Singles: Flirt Up Your Life' may be vaguely familiar to some of you as 'that Sims game with full-frontal nudity'. Little did I know how much I would come to regret my Orwellian experiments. It was natural that when I picked up a copy of the recent sauced-up Sims knockoff 'Singles: Flirt Up Your Life' I would expose the virtual paramours of this title to as much suffering as the game would allow me. The only limits of my cruelty are the limits built into each game. Even in Sim City my towns were the urban equivalent of 'Peanuts' character Pigpen traffic-choked streets seething beneath perpetual clouds of toxic smoke. In the Sims I removed pool ladders and made children stand outside until they perished.

In Rollercoaster Tycoon I made ride after ride that launched coasters full of people off the track. At a Glance:To the unfortunate denizens that dwell within the various sim games I play I am a cruel god.

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